If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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