Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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