Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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