I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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