My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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