and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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I won't be able to get a boner for a month
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS