dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.