He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.