this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
