The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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