Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.

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  (310): so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking. http://tfl.nu/vds8
  Replies (9) Good night (2489) Bad night (545)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is

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  (503): I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is http://tfl.nu/t4n0
  Replies (26) Good night (1032) Bad night (4143)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

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  (661): I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is. http://tfl.nu/de6o
  Replies (11) Good night (5572) Bad night (1092)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

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  (440): i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky. http://tfl.nu/4mz4
  Replies (264) Good night (2689) Bad night (27537)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

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  (540): I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse. http://tfl.nu/5mjb
  Replies (8) Good night (4644) Bad night (991)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.

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  (601): Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate. http://tfl.nu/i871
  Replies (10) Good night (1118) Bad night (2782)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

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  (612): Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab... http://tfl.nu/at31
  Replies (14) Good night (1163) Bad night (3205)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.

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  (781): his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me. http://tfl.nu/jba1
  Replies (5) Good night (2266) Bad night (889)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?

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  (770): Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning? http://tfl.nu/sjpg
  Replies (5) Good night (2155) Bad night (1050)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.

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  (612): i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore. http://tfl.nu/6de5
  Replies (14) Good night (3750) Bad night (812)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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  (202): You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first. http://tfl.nu/24o7
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (1585)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!

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  (504): If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!! http://tfl.nu/gw9p
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (324)
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  (707): View more from California

  Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..

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  (707): Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult.. http://tfl.nu/smpu
  Replies (6) Good night (826) Bad night (311)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.

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  (515): I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter. http://tfl.nu/6fb4
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (288)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have suspicion of morning wood.

  (281): View more from Texas

  How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?

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  (832): I have suspicion of morning wood. (281): How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis? http://tfl.nu/x95m
  Replies (4) Good night (732) Bad night (270)

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