Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(931): View more from Tennessee

dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.

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(520): View more from Arizona

2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

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(586): View more from Michigan

on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(802): View more from Vermont

Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.

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(519): View more from Ontario

She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.

(563): View more from Iowa

How is that low? I love carrots.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.

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