Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Found the puke drawer
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.