This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.