What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
