dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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