We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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