Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
