I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
