Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
