God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
