Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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