So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
