I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just pynch a tree in the face
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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