Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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