i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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