Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
