Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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