There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
