I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
