I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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