Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
