I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
