I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
