My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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