Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
