is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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