Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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