guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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