I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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