Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
