some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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