She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
