dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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