First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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