The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
