I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
