The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would ride that face into the sunset
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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