just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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