YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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