the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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