The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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