Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
