so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
FUCK WHALES
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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