if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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