Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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