i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
