she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
