I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
