apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
