I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
