White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have feelings that need drinking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
