so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
