Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
