He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
