Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
