giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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