I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
