Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
